This post is for my son who turns one today. It is a bittersweet day for me and I can't help but feel overwhelmed with a wide range of emotions. I wanted to use this post as an opportunity to document those feelings for my son.
I have no idea how the last 365 days went by so quickly and how madly deeply in love with you I have become. I am just smitten by you each and every day. I could write a very long post and go on and on but for the sack of having a point, I'm listing here the five biggest things that have surprised me most about you in this first year of your life:
I can't believe we call you "Robbie". When we finally decided on day five to name you Robert James, I thought for sure you would always be a Robert. I'm surprised at how quickly we started calling you Robbie (probably around 3 months) and just how natural it has seemed. There is just something about your easy-going disposition that makes this nickname perfect for your personality.
If I close my eyes in a silent room and take a deep breath, I can still smell your sweet scent and feel your warm snugly tiny body against mine. I can even see your cute one sided smirk and hear your tiny little coos. I never want to lose this memory. If I could stop time and live one moment over and over again, it would be this one. I love you with all of my soul and all of my being.
Breastfeeding you was the most wonderful-frustrating-hard-joyous thing I have ever done. It wasn't easy, it didn't come naturally, and it took a lot of advise from others but we did it! Through all the cracked nipples, blood blisters, mastitis, gall bladder surgery, pancreatitis, and even the flu- we did it! We went a full nine months. While I am happy to have some more free time on my hands since breastfeeding has ended and dad can now help with feedings, I genuinely miss our special bonding time together.
I am pleasantly surprised by your independent nature. Early on you were very content just chilling in your swing or in your bouncy chair all by yourself. You have never been one to want to snuggle at bedtime, you like your space and enjoy your alone time. Even now at age one, you are content playing with blocks or with trains all by yourself.
You have completed our family. I know it sounds totally cliche but I promise it is true. It took your daddy and I almost two full years to conceive you. Not a single day went by in those two years that I didn't obsess, dream, cry, and pray for your existence. You're a greater gift than I ever could have dreamed of and I can not imagine my life without you in it. I am so lucky to be your ma-ma-ma-ma. I admire the bond you and your brother already share and I am so excited to see your relationship evolve as you grow old together, I hope you two are besties always.
I know this is only the first of many, many, many more birthdays to come and I can't wait to see what great things each passing year has in store for you.